11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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