I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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