I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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