The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
