There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
