You just made me feel so damn special
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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