I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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