the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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