I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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