five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
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