need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
