Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
