He kissed a someone with a penis
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
