my sisters under your porch take her home
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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