My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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