in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
