You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
