If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
