It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
