i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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