A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
