Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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