He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
