We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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