you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
