i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
