After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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