Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Can Purell be used as lube?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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