Why are handjobs necessary in class?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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