If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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