I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
