The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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