So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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