Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
