Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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