I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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