She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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