Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
