p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
