I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Yo dont text me then not text me
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
