He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
