Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
