I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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