Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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