I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you win again, gameday.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
