I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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