She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
