i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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