My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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