....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
