Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Randomize
