I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize