its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize