She's JV to your varsity
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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