I think I just saw someone hide a body.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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