I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
