3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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