I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
