As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize