dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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