Dude my mom stole all your condoms
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
