i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
