dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
handjob tips. give me some.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
