Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
