Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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