we made out on top of his cat.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
