I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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