if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
