my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
