if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
