were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
