I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
