where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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